The Numbers

31 Jul

Four years, eleven medicated cycles, seven months with the RE, and infinity test sticks peed on was all it took for that second line.

First hCG test, 10.5. Conception. High hopes.

Three days later, 14.2. It’s likely a chemical pregnancy, they say, come back in four days for another blood draw.

Last test was a 0. 

The end of pregnancy number one. 

So I guess this week we move on to lucky #12… and my 32nd year of life.

And I don’t care what it’s called. Chemical, miscarriage, embryo, baby, fetus, chromosomal disorders… they’re all just words. When all you want is a baby and you’ve been trying so hard you can’t remember what life was like before the longing, the loss is all the same, no matter the words.


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