15 Jan

Classes have commenced and now that it’s the end of the week things are heating up. I have two exams next week, including one in Medical Terminology. I cannot imagine how nursing and medical students stay sane for 4+ years. I feel like I am beginning to eat, sleep and breath in Latin, Greek, French and acronyms.

I can’t even pretend that I don’t love it. Since I stopped working and started learning I have seriously never been more happy. I don’t even have time to think about babies or PCOS or adoption… and that makes life much more enjoyable. It’s also amusing to think about the possibilities of more school in the future (Master’s in Health Care Admin, anyone?). I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I don’t feel the same pressure I once did.

I have had quite a few conversations with other women who have experienced infertility over the last two years. The consensus has always been when you stop thinking/looking/trying- that’s when you get pregnant. And all of them will admit, that concept is inconceivable while you’re fighting the battle. When you are faced with the failure of your body to perform a basic biological function month after month- it consumes you. I have had (and still have) some pretty ugly thoughts about women who take their fertility for granted. It’s not good for me, for anybody, but it happens.

But today is the first day in over a week I have given the baby-makin’ any thought. And it feels so good to not feel frustrated or sorry for myself. In this moment I can say, maybe I’ll get pregnant this year, maybe I won’t. If I have to wait to be a mother for another year or two, what difference will it make?


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